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Articles are written for the purpose of "Food for Thought" should you experience an upset or hurt over what is written, I invite you to consider if this is your heart's condition ( and heart always knows, even if out of your own awareness) crying out, "I need to focus on this area to see if there is anything about me that is in need of my attention and possibly change for the better for my own healthy, well being and success in Life.
The following article written by SUEMARIE CRAWFORD,R.P.C.,M.P.C.P.
A GENUINE APOLOGY
We have all been on the receiving end of being hurt by the wrong doing, injustice or mistakes of someone who said or did something offensive to us. Conversely, we have all been the one who did a wrong & hurtful action. The offended hopes for an apology & the offender usually hopes for forgiveness. I believe & make it a practice to FORGIVE EVERYBODY EVERYTHING. Forgiveness in relationships is extremely important & will be the focus next time in this 2 part article.This time however, we will look at the elements of a sincere apology in contrast to an insincere one in an effort to strengthen & heal the many relationships we have with others in our family, with friends or publicly.Equally important, as it pertains to our relationship with self integrity & our own heart condition.
It can be very uncomfortable to apologize & therefore we may reason that "maybe it would be best to just let the wrong go away" or think "Time will take care of it" NOT SO, people do not forget the offense b/c you ignore it, not to mention it will stick in your own heart, causing yourself unnecessary ramifications. Saying "I'm sorry is a necessary right thing to do for both parties health & well being. Let's be clear, to apologize is to accept responsibility for something you did wrong & take personal accountability, which demands maturity. It is NOT a way to get out of something followed by conditions or justifications if it is to be sincere. A sincere apology frees you in your heart when you take responsibility for your act, you learn from it & can truly put it behind you, as opposed to it sticking in your heart & the offended persons heart. Apologizing is an inside job that releases the one harmed & frees the wrongdoer. It clears the air unless it is done insincerely & with wrong motivations, in an effort to shift blame, deny the wrong, or to relieve guilt. Apologies only made to manipulate others can & will cause damage & destroy. A healthy apology has 3 main objectives: ~Ackowledge the wrong, it takes responsibility & gives recompense. ~Accountability, communicates "I should not have done it...whatever the " it " is ~Frees you up from guilt so that you will have the eyes to see the lessons to be learned from it. Genuine apologies are not forced, but rather the determination to act with the maturity of an adult. Steps to a genuine apology include: 1.TIMING, understand, for some desire it immediate & others need a lil` space to cool down first. Also important, is to ASK for their time, rather than imposing your timing. Ask, Is this a good time or when is a good time, we need to talk. This is an important element so that you both can focus & resolve. 2.LOCATION, choose one that is neutral, without distractions, & private. An exception to this might be if the wrong requires a public acknowledgement. For example, if false accusations where made or you have publicly humiliated or damaged their reputation, you need to first apologize to the person & then ask permission to correct it publicly. 3. PREPARING, organize your thoughts & then practice what you will say. It need not be perfect but does require a genuine caring spirit. Keep it simple & to the point of accepting responsibility without attempting to justify the wrong. It should include: a. acknowledgement of the " specific " wrong{name it so they know you get it} b. acknowledge the hurt that was caused. c. A plan to make amends. d. What lessons you learned. 4. FOCUS, remember the goal is to say I'm sorry for what I did wrong. So be careful not to focus on the incident that caused your unacceptable action/response. 5. PRESENTATION, an apology ought be simple & to the point as mentioned,as it puts the concern for the one harmed ahead of self gain or self protection. Caring..or not will be evident in your words, gestures, inflections, body language, & reactions. When you approach the offended person be calm & pleasant & ease the tension by brief small talk, then get into it. For Example: Let's say you said something about someone you realize was untrue & was very hurtful & caused others to think it was true. Using all the elements it may look something like this............. I'm glad this snow is melting aren't you? (smile) I really appreciate you taking the time from your busy schedule to meet with me, thank you. I am so sorry for be specific, I was wrong & know now that it was not true. I Humiliated you in front of others & hurt your feelings to boot. I am sorry for all of it. I want to make amends by taking you to lunch to show you what a special person I think you are. I will not be such a jerk in the future & have learned to get the whole story before I rush to judgement & spout off. If it's ok with you I'd like to tell the others that it wasn't true & that I was wrong, you really are honest (or whatever the case calls for). That's it , not so hard if you drop pride & come from the heart!
*NOTE* EXPECT THE BEST................. BE PREPARED, "ON PURPOSE" FOR ..............................
They may not accept your apology
In this case, if you know you were sincere in accepting full responsibility for the wrong & the hurt caused by it, you need to let it go & be FREE in the fact that you did the right thing & move on. We are not responsible for others' choices. On the bright side, this is when a lil' time & distance may have value & work to gain the
added healing or processing this person may need & they might come around.
